I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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