i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
