Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
