just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
