dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
