I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
