why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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