Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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