girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
