my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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