be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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