I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
