So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
