I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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