I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
