All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
