The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
