so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
