My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
