What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
