those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
