There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
