Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
