We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
