I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
