I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
