I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
