I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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