She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
