New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
