My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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