I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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