when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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