Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
