I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
