I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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