If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
