I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
