I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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