I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
