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R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
