it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
