Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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