hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
