Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
