You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
