I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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