I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
