May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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