New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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