Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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